Allo tony

Hi again Tony

was reading the poem
«The cure is the curse»
how fucking right it is!

I am going to photocopy it
and bring it to the Jewish General Hospital
were I am registered for my methadone program
they are very good people
the first methadone clinic in Montreal
but they don't know shit about drugs
all they know is the protocol treatment
that is to say
methadone is the ultimate solution
I wish I could put them all on methadone
take my 165mm and make a fruit punch for Easter!

Anyway to go back to the reflex ion on H
I do thing it is the best drug on earth
(beside what I already have expressed
about LSD and Cannabis...)

Burroughs did it all is life
and wrote the greatest books ever
but he was disciplined
(although not when he was in Morocco
where he was called
El Hombre Invisible!)

I think that you have to be careful
because I don't know but playing with codeine
even if it is over the counter etc
might be insidious...
well you know all about that as much as I do

If I did all drugs and alcohol in industrial quantities
heroine is the only one that I managed moderately
I was smoking one point a day
30$ Canadian
or shooting the same amount
the ideal program would be
to shoot one point in the morning
and then one point at supper time
as a matter of fact
if I could have kept my pot smoking
to that rhythm
it would have been real peace and love

anyway...
I think it is a good objective
to say to oneself
if I get to be 60
I'll do the last stretch on H
and then when you get there
you might decide otherwise...
for the best or the worst...

my greatest mistake
was to stop smack
and then again
may be if I hadn't
I wouldn’t be here talking to you
who knows

I was seeing my psy yesterday
very good looking and a bit grunge
28 I guess
and I think she fells something for me
she had like drowsy eyes
when I told her
I felt like buying a lot of H
and slowly bring down the methadone level
and bring the H in...
I was serious when I said it
but deep down inside
I knew it was just to make a statement
about the methadone bummer...

another thing Tony
when I read you dedicating words
in «Songs...»
and saw the little spoon drawing
I thought that if you do more of those
I would you call them
«doodling»
you could put some with your poems
Cohen did that in his last book
and Ginsberg maybe or Corso or Patchen
anyway others did it
it would make a great book
and a great read etc

I wish I could draw and do it

I got most of what I want to send you ready
1. Express pour l'Eden (most recent poetry book)
2. Roman d'amour (published long ago and very rare... collector's item!)
3. Chansons d'épouvante (most recent CD... 2 years ago... UNDER AUT'CHOSE)
4. Chants de l'Amérique inavouable (complete songs lyrics)
5. Neons in the Night (choice of poems, translated... both version)
6. If I can: Dans la jungle des villes (recent CD under FRANCOEUR)
7. if I CAN: «EXIT POUR NOMADES»... ROAD MOVIE based on my life and art... documentary-fiction... in California and New Mexico and Quebec etc


and I will give you expiation for each book or cd and dvd

may be I will send what is ready this week like the 5 items mentioned above
and the rest as soon as I get it ready...

well Tony
wish you the best
(come to think about it and what you said about Nico growing...
I stop doing coke when my daughter was 5
because I did not want her to see her daughter coming home after a 3-4 days binge...!)
so you are doing the right thing staying «straight» (mostly) until she's grown up...
you do not want to miss any of those next years that are the most important
then she will become a young woman and a woman
like my Virginie here
and although she is still my baby and will always be
she has her own life and lives it without us
luckily she is still staying home with us!
And I tell myself
that when she leaves
then I'll go back on H
you see
it is always postponed... always later... then I'll be to old to hit the vein!


Take care my friend


Lucien

Allo Tony mon ami...

Hi Tony,

I'm back home...

Claudine and Virginie are watching a «reality tv show» made in Quebec... it gives me some free time to be by myself...

I read Speed when I was in my 20's and if my memory is right, it was a french translation: I will try to find the book and confirm it to you...

I bought today a book that make me so happy, the new Jeffrey Brown: «Funny Misshapen body», it is so good... looks like childish cartoon, but adult all the way... This guy is not a

Will Eisner, Frank Miller, Hergé,Hugo Pratt, Paul Pope (Heavy Liquid, a must!), Moebius, Sean Phillips (Criminal, a must!), Jack Kirby etc etc... He is in the marginal, minimalist genre: with Julie Doucet, Chester Brown, Seth etc... But so sincere that you cannot do without loving his books... one of his book's title says it all: «Little things»... So tonight I am reading that and also Paul Pope: Heavy Liquid...

About H... What I think is this... I have read and have been told that once you have been addicted to heroine, or just did it for a short while, it change something in you brain chemistry and that is forever... no matter what and how long you are off the stuff... But they were also saying in the seventies that one single cap of lsd or acid was destroying you nerve cells (neurones) by the hundred of thousands... And that one single tab of ecstasy was damaging you «spine marrow» (moelle épinière)... When I decided to go back on H after more that 30 years, it was a conscienscious decision... a bold decision... I was turning 54 and my daughter was in her teenage years... also I was realising that most o f my friends were dead... Also I was smoking a lot of pot, 10-12 joints a day and wasn't getting anywhere with the stuff... no real high anymore... I was at the time fucking around with a black foxy chick... Shelley was her name... Maria Carey style but slimmer... and she was on H... so after my coke binge I would end up with her and one night I decided to do H to avoid the coke crash after 3 days without sleep... I did that on and off for 6 months without getting hook because I was never doing it more then 2 days in a row... But one day a friend of mine, from France dropped by and he had some good brown H and I started smoking it (with Shelley I was sniffing it and it tasted so bad I wanted to puke and did puke most of the times!)... so when I decided to smoke it I knew what the score was and were it would take me... mainlining for sure! But I had a normal life: money, cars, bikes,houses... etc etc I wanted to write and record... So smoking H got me back writing and recording: 5 books in 18 months and 3 cds in those 18 months plus 4 more... So I got hooked good but I was friend with a huge dealer in Montreal... I had money to secure my habit... But then we were talking of going back to France... I hadn't been there since maybe 8 years or more (because of my daughter etc)... And I did not want to be stuck with that on my back while going there ... So I did a cold turkey and after 5 days I was off but sick like a dog... so I got on the methadone program... then I slowly went off methadone, after 2 months on it... I was feeling pretty good, but with some period of feeling shitty... I should have kept going but the trip in France to promote my album was cancelled... so I was mad and went back smoking H and first thing you know I was mainlining... What I regret today and that is paradoxal is the methadone decision... I should have stayed on H because methadone is a bummer... I gained weight; do not feel much like writing etc... But were would I be if I had kept on doing H? I regret quitting H and going on methadone... but may be that is what is keeping me alive and sane... What makes me mad is that when I try H it doesn't do much... I would have to stop the methadone for 1 or 2 days then do H... And what is insane is that I see the dealer every 3-4 days at Starbuck: he comes and say allo... he doesn't push it because he knows me and respect me... but it would be so easy to buy... but the fact that I know it is money lost and all the works for a short rush to the brain... Like today I was in a funny mood... and sae a friend of mine who is using... I told him to call me tomorrow on my cell and that we would do some together... I know it is just words from my part... but it makes me feel good to just say it... So you see it is not easy... So to make a long story short: no I do not regret my decision to go back on it but yes sometime I regret it because I am stuck on methadone... so If I could go back in time may be I would stay away from methadone... I think... after having

The best drugs for the most creative and me where:

1. Acid, lsd... in my 20's
2. Pot, hash, all my life
3. Heroine... the best after having done the others that made me a better writer and artist...
I don not thing that, if I had done heroine as much as cannabis and lsd, when I was younger, I would have become what I am... because I would have felt good just doing H and nothing else... When I was doing it in my 20's I was doing it while doing all the other drugs and drinking... so I was never totally on H... shot a lot of Demerol at the time in Vancouver...

Although I miss H a lot and that I wouldn't be 20 pounds overweight and so off writing... it is better for me to be on methadone! More regular life... Now I say to myself that when Virginie will leave home, I will go back on H... sell all my books records guitars (but one or 2 and couple of books)... all that is not necessary and work hard in getting out of methadone and going back on H... another project for later... Keeps me alive maybe!

I am reading slowly «Songs from...» because I want to make the pleasure last... and I am waiting for your 2 other books from Amazon...

So Tony take care
I’ll let you know when I’ll have mailed my books and cd/dvd… or whatever I do send…

Best of
Rock-desire

Lucien