Allo Tony mon ami...

Hi Tony,

I'm back home...

Claudine and Virginie are watching a «reality tv show» made in Quebec... it gives me some free time to be by myself...

I read Speed when I was in my 20's and if my memory is right, it was a french translation: I will try to find the book and confirm it to you...

I bought today a book that make me so happy, the new Jeffrey Brown: «Funny Misshapen body», it is so good... looks like childish cartoon, but adult all the way... This guy is not a

Will Eisner, Frank Miller, Hergé,Hugo Pratt, Paul Pope (Heavy Liquid, a must!), Moebius, Sean Phillips (Criminal, a must!), Jack Kirby etc etc... He is in the marginal, minimalist genre: with Julie Doucet, Chester Brown, Seth etc... But so sincere that you cannot do without loving his books... one of his book's title says it all: «Little things»... So tonight I am reading that and also Paul Pope: Heavy Liquid...

About H... What I think is this... I have read and have been told that once you have been addicted to heroine, or just did it for a short while, it change something in you brain chemistry and that is forever... no matter what and how long you are off the stuff... But they were also saying in the seventies that one single cap of lsd or acid was destroying you nerve cells (neurones) by the hundred of thousands... And that one single tab of ecstasy was damaging you «spine marrow» (moelle épinière)... When I decided to go back on H after more that 30 years, it was a conscienscious decision... a bold decision... I was turning 54 and my daughter was in her teenage years... also I was realising that most o f my friends were dead... Also I was smoking a lot of pot, 10-12 joints a day and wasn't getting anywhere with the stuff... no real high anymore... I was at the time fucking around with a black foxy chick... Shelley was her name... Maria Carey style but slimmer... and she was on H... so after my coke binge I would end up with her and one night I decided to do H to avoid the coke crash after 3 days without sleep... I did that on and off for 6 months without getting hook because I was never doing it more then 2 days in a row... But one day a friend of mine, from France dropped by and he had some good brown H and I started smoking it (with Shelley I was sniffing it and it tasted so bad I wanted to puke and did puke most of the times!)... so when I decided to smoke it I knew what the score was and were it would take me... mainlining for sure! But I had a normal life: money, cars, bikes,houses... etc etc I wanted to write and record... So smoking H got me back writing and recording: 5 books in 18 months and 3 cds in those 18 months plus 4 more... So I got hooked good but I was friend with a huge dealer in Montreal... I had money to secure my habit... But then we were talking of going back to France... I hadn't been there since maybe 8 years or more (because of my daughter etc)... And I did not want to be stuck with that on my back while going there ... So I did a cold turkey and after 5 days I was off but sick like a dog... so I got on the methadone program... then I slowly went off methadone, after 2 months on it... I was feeling pretty good, but with some period of feeling shitty... I should have kept going but the trip in France to promote my album was cancelled... so I was mad and went back smoking H and first thing you know I was mainlining... What I regret today and that is paradoxal is the methadone decision... I should have stayed on H because methadone is a bummer... I gained weight; do not feel much like writing etc... But were would I be if I had kept on doing H? I regret quitting H and going on methadone... but may be that is what is keeping me alive and sane... What makes me mad is that when I try H it doesn't do much... I would have to stop the methadone for 1 or 2 days then do H... And what is insane is that I see the dealer every 3-4 days at Starbuck: he comes and say allo... he doesn't push it because he knows me and respect me... but it would be so easy to buy... but the fact that I know it is money lost and all the works for a short rush to the brain... Like today I was in a funny mood... and sae a friend of mine who is using... I told him to call me tomorrow on my cell and that we would do some together... I know it is just words from my part... but it makes me feel good to just say it... So you see it is not easy... So to make a long story short: no I do not regret my decision to go back on it but yes sometime I regret it because I am stuck on methadone... so If I could go back in time may be I would stay away from methadone... I think... after having

The best drugs for the most creative and me where:

1. Acid, lsd... in my 20's
2. Pot, hash, all my life
3. Heroine... the best after having done the others that made me a better writer and artist...
I don not thing that, if I had done heroine as much as cannabis and lsd, when I was younger, I would have become what I am... because I would have felt good just doing H and nothing else... When I was doing it in my 20's I was doing it while doing all the other drugs and drinking... so I was never totally on H... shot a lot of Demerol at the time in Vancouver...

Although I miss H a lot and that I wouldn't be 20 pounds overweight and so off writing... it is better for me to be on methadone! More regular life... Now I say to myself that when Virginie will leave home, I will go back on H... sell all my books records guitars (but one or 2 and couple of books)... all that is not necessary and work hard in getting out of methadone and going back on H... another project for later... Keeps me alive maybe!

I am reading slowly «Songs from...» because I want to make the pleasure last... and I am waiting for your 2 other books from Amazon...

So Tony take care
I’ll let you know when I’ll have mailed my books and cd/dvd… or whatever I do send…

Best of
Rock-desire

Lucien